Former NU player Jason Peter's secrets revealed in tell-all book
OMAHA WORLD HERALD
Published Sunday June 29, 2008
Former NU player Jason Peter's secrets revealed in tell-all book
Q: Are you surprised you're still alive?
JP: Yeah. Even to this day, I'll get calls from guys I met at various stages of rehab. They'll say, "You remember Johnny? He's dead. He OD'd." When you go through this, you think you're invincible, nothing will ever hold you down. I always thought, "I'll stop whenever I want." I justified it at the time I was playing football, with the pain pills. I needed it to play football. Was I banged up with injuries? Absolutely. Is that the reason I eventually became addicted? No. That was all on me. That's why people who don't know my story will say, he's just another drug addict. But it started somewhere. It started brewing with all of those injuries. I knew I liked how I felt when I took those pills at Nebraska. But I didn't have the means then or the money.
Q: You also thought about suicide more than once?
JP: Oh, yeah. You get to a point where the highs aren't what they were when you started. With the pills and the opiates and the heroin, you develop a tolerance. It takes more and more to get to that high. The biggest battle I had was like, how do I get my hands on pain pills today? I was scamming all these doctors and pharmacies. It became work. And that part began outweighing the part where I took pills and didn't worry about anything. My football career was over. And, you know, football to me was everything. I got started late in my junior year in high school, but that was my passion. Through all of these rehab centers, they wanted to know what my passion was. But I couldn't go back and get that (football). I mean, this wasn't me walking out on my terms, like Grant (Wistrom), saying I've played nine years - that's enough. This was me sitting in a room with George Seifert and Marty Hurney, the GM at Carolina, and the head trainer, and they're saying, "We can't clear you to play football again. You'll never do what you want to do ever again."
Q: Should the NFL have a program to help guys adjust to life after football?
JP: The NFL has something. But here's the thing. I'm 25 years old and some guy is going to come up to me and say, "Jason, we have to meet for an hour about life after football." I'm like, "Who are you kidding? I'm going to play for 12 years, I'm going to go into the Hall of Fame." I wasn't thinking about life after football. I was trying to survive being in it. It was tough for me coming from Nebraska, where I had a couple of back spasms and hurt my hand, and going to Carolina, where I had two major surgeries each year. I didn't know how to deal with that. Combine that with the fact that I liked taking the pills, at least recreationally. I had to be up at a certain time in the morning to go to practice. So I had structure in my life. When that's over, and you have nothing to do, that's when the trouble started.
Q: Why write a book? Is this about the money? Or is there a story here you wanted to tell?
JP: I had a story to tell. Maybe it's not a self-help book. But that doesn't mean someone still can't benefit from this thing, that a 17- or 20-year-old kid doesn't read it and say, "Man, this is the way I'm going now." Am I shocked that I came out on the other end? Yes. So I think it's got something to offer if somebody is headed down that path.
But I also was like, "Do I want to do this?" I come from good family and, for the most part, we keep things in house. This was like airing dirty laundry. That's what I was nervous about. But I also realized that I put a major dent in my wallet in terms of the money that I spent, on the hookers, on the drugs, spending nights at strip clubs until they shut it down. It took its toll. I would be lying to you if I said there wasn't financial consideration here as well.
Q: Is this appropriate reading for high school kids?
JP: Absolutely. I spoke at a high school in Omaha. And one of the reasons they brought me up was because they have kids who are messing around with this type of stuff, smoking weed, messing around with cocaine, pain pills. This is what these kids are doing nowadays. This should probably start with the parent, and if it's something they feel their son or daughter can learn from it, go ahead.
Q: How do you think Coach Osborne < will feel about this?
JP: I think he'll be shocked. I don't think anybody really understood what was happening behind those closed doors at my house. It's an in-your-face type book. Coach Osborne is a guy who lives by his faith, but that doesn't mean he's not aware of what's going on out there. I told him, "If you ever need me to come talk to the kids down there, I'll be an open book." Does it matter to me what Coach Osborne thinks about this? Absolutely. He means the world to me. But the people that will be the hardest for me to read this book are my wife, my mother and my sister.
Q: Has your mother read it?
JP: Yes she has, and she thinks it's a great book. My aunt, who's in the book, also thought it was amazing. They went through this with me, so they know. I think they had an idea of what was going on, but to have it in a book, out there, where there's no turning back, that's a little different.
I knew I had to be honest if this thing was going to be a quality book. That started, really, the last time I went into the rehab. You have to be honest. If you are trying to fool people there, you aren't going to make it. It's funny, because when I was doing the book, I was saying, "I don't know if I should put this in," and it was my wife who said, "You have to put this in. You have to be honest and put this stuff in there." I said, "All right, but don't divorce me when it comes out."
Q: What will the average Husker fan think after reading the book?
JP: Some might be disappointed. Some might have this image, maybe, in their mind that they don't want distorted. This guy who is on the (Nebraska football) All-Century team, three national championship teams. I can't control what other people think. I hope they read it and can just understand that I was just trying to tell a story that I went through, that I wasn't trying to make myself a hero or anything.
Q: Is there a lesson here in that people shouldn't put their heroes on pedestals?
JP: I don't know. I do admit that that was a big part of my life here. And that was a big part of my struggle after football was over. I was used to hearing those cheers. There was nobody yelling your name, telling you how good you were. But in terms of the book, am I asking for some type of hero worship because I came out of this thing? No.
There will be people that think I'm wrong for putting this stuff out there. But there will be other people who have an uncle who was a drunk or a brother who is a drug addict or a mother who pops pills all day. Most people know someone or are related to someone who has gone through some sort of addiction. This is the truth. This is what happens. This is what happened to me.
Q: Maybe this isn't a fair question, but if you could do anything different, what would it be?
JP: In terms of my football career, I ask myself, every single day, probably 10 times a day, what if I didn't abuse my body with all of this garbage? Most of it came post-career, but I'm sure there was some damage when I was playing. Did that affect how my body could heal? I wonder even though this is medicine doctors give you when you walk out of the hospital, they don't give you enough to abuse it. I ask myself every day: Did I do so much that my body wasn't functioning as it should? Did that affect how my body could heal? That's something I have to live with.
In terms of the addiction, if I had had a serious relationship, or had been married, that might have straightened me out. I'm so happy that I didn't. I'm so happy that I went through this. Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be married to the wife that I have now. There's a reason for everything. One way or another, I found myself out in California and met the girl of my dreams. That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone through this.
Q: How much damage did you do to your body or your brain with all the coke and heroin?
JP: I don't know. I don't know that I'll know that for a long time. I've been checked, my liver, kidneys, all that stuff, and I seem to be just fine. But you never know what that might have started. Who knows? We'll see. Do I have lapses sometimes where I kind of just forget things or lose my train of thought? Yes. But I think that's a combination of football on top of the drugs.
Q: How much money did you throw away?
JP: I'm not a guy who gets on a computer every day and checks. It's at least, through all the hookers and all the drugs, at least half a million dollars. It could be close to a million. I wasn't completely broke when this was over, but it was to the point where my financial adviser was telling me, "You can't live the lifestyle you think you can live." It went from one of those things if you manage things and don't do anything crazy, you don't really have to work, to now, you have to work.
It was a lot of trips to the ATM machine at 4 in the morning. That's a reason why a lot of people stop, because the money's gone. I wasn't one of these drug addicts roaming the street, trying to get a $10 fix. I was having people drop it off at my house. And I'm paying for $500 or $1,000 worth of cocaine or heroin at one time. Cash. For some of the girls, I could use my credit card.
Peter says in the book that there was no shining moment where he knew he had to stop; one day you just know and hopefully you are still alive to realize it. But during his last stint in rehab, his mother was taken to a hospital with a heart scare. It turned out to be stress related, but the incident deeply affected Peter, who felt more than a little guilty.
JP: Drug addicts are so caught up in their own world, they don't pay attention to what it's doing to the people around them. The addict is high all the time, so he feels good. But the mother is waiting by the phone every night. When there was the scare with her, in large part did I feel like I needed to end it with me, that it was my time? Yeah. That could have been more than 50 percent of why I stopped, because I couldn't put my mother through this anymore. I couldn't care less what happened to me.
What brought Peter back to Lincoln? He said it started, ironically, with an interview he did for HBO with the infamous Bernard Goldberg, the TV reporter who drew the ire of Osborne and NU fans during the Lawrence Phillips days of 1995 for his "win at all costs" profile of Osborne.
JP: I did the "HBO Real Sports." And Bernard Goldberg interviewed me. When I found out, I didn't really put it together. Finally, I said, this is the guy who did the CBS piece on Coach Osborne and Nebraska. I almost backed out. People said, "No, you gotta do it, because hopefully somebody else will see it and this could help somebody." He came and he did it. We didn't talk between the takes, he did the show, packed up his bag and left. That was it. A year later, they called and asked how I was doing. We want to come out and do a follow piece. He comes back out this time a completely different guy, just a really nice guy, good guy. The whole Nebraska thing was just doing his job. Sometimes you don't get to pick and choose what you get to do. We shot at one place, a lot of joking around. He stayed after at my house after all the cameras were gone, sat around and talked for a couple hours. Did I blame him for the first time, being all business? No. Because at that time I was just another drug addict, probably going to be back on the street the next week. We actually have a friendship to this day. One time he said, "You handle yourself well in front of the camera. Have you ever thought about doing something like this?"
Sometime after that, I did the Jim Rome show. I went in studio to do that. We were supposed to do one segment. We ended up staying an hour and 15 minutes. He said it was the longest segment he'd done. When we were done, he said the same thing: "Have you ever thought about it?" At that point, I said, "Let's try it." I called Coach Osborne and asked him if he knew anybody. He gave me a couple of numbers.
Peter auditioned with ESPN 1480 AM in Lincoln last summer and got the gig, a 3-to-6 p.m. daily show. He also did some TV work with KETV last fall.
JP: I love it. Getting the opportunity to do this and work with Channel 7 in Omaha, some pregame and postgame stuff for them. I won a Nebraska broadcasting award, if you can believe that.
Would I like to do football on TV? Absolutely. Do I always want to have my 3-to-6 gig on the radio talking Nebraska football? Absolutely.
Q: What's your take on what's happened with Nebraska football and Bo Pelini?
JP: Obviously, I was really glad to see Coach Osborne get back into it. I didn't know Bo, other than he was here in 2003. The biggest thing for me is that Bo is teaching them the fundamentals and getting them to play with passion and having that energy no matter what it says on the scoreboard. He's also made us ex-guys feel proud again to be part of it.
It was embarrassing. I said all along, these kids keep getting patted on the back and saying everything is going to be OK. Maybe it's just the way I was treated with Coach (Charlie) McBride, but they didn't need a pat on the back, they needed a kick in the (butt) and somebody in their face saying, "That's not good enough. And if you continue to play like this, you won't be playing anymore." There were no consequences for what they were doing.
I go down to the stadium often to see familiar faces and have gotten to spend some time with Bo. I like him because he's just a normal guy. His interviews, and the way he says things, it's almost like what I do on the radio. It's honest and heartfelt. I don't think he's concerned about making this person happy or that person happy. "I'm here to win football games and make sure Nebraska is proud of its program again."
Just coming out of spring ball, are they going to win the national championship next year? No. I get people mad when they call into my show and I say they aren't going to go 13-0. Are they going to be better record-wise? Hopefully. Maybe. I don't know. Are they going to play more passionately? Yes. And that's all that matters to me right now, because the scores will turn if you continue to play with that passion, that love for the game. Eventually you will score more points than the other team.
Q: How are you doing? Do you still have to check in with somebody?
JP: I get together with certain people. When I was in California, I had a life coach, a therapist. Now I meet with somebody every month, every two months, just to BS, talk. It's there if I need it. It's good. I'll have a drink every once in awhile. Alcohol was never my thing. It was just something that sat on the side and turned to water half the time because I never touched it. Grant (Wistrom) will come into town, and I'll have a drink with him. I'll have a glass of wine with my wife. There are groups out there who don't think that's OK, and I don't care. I found out what works for me. For me, it's not about counting days and telling people how long I've been off it. It's about being able to call my mother and not have it in my head: "I have to talk slower or she'll know I'm high." It's about not being afraid that someone's going to stop by my house today and I've been up since 4, wired. It's nice knowing that my mother can go to sleep tonight not worrying that "Tonight's the night I'm going to get that call."
Q: How long has it been since you last took drugs?
JP: It will be four years in July. I've had surgeries a couple times since then, and that was obviously a huge, huge test. It's not like I took the bottle of Vicodin from the doctor when I drove myself out of there. I had to take some, so it was like feeding the devil again. But again, it was about honesty. When I was prepping for the surgery, I told the doctor I used to be a drug addict.
Q: Who should play you in the movie?
JP: My wife does that all the time. She's always picking people out. It's hard because you have to find someone who can be big enough to portray this football player but also be a skeleton of himself. She likes that Jake Gyllenhaal. Everybody likes to have fun with that. I don't pay attention to it. I get nervous enough about the book coming out. How will people perceive it? What's important to me is that my wife is OK with it and my family is OK with it. And I can't control what everyone else thinks, but I'm a caring guy. I love the guys that I played with. I care what they think. I don't know, some mother whose son looks up to me might not like it. I can't do anything about that.
Q: One final question: One of these days you'll have to tell me what actually happened on that private jet.
(No answer. Just a smile.)
Book Excerpt: Part 1: Hero of the Underground
Published Sunday June 29, 2008
Former NU player Jason Peter's secrets revealed in tell-all book
Q: Are you surprised you're still alive?
JP: Yeah. Even to this day, I'll get calls from guys I met at various stages of rehab. They'll say, "You remember Johnny? He's dead. He OD'd." When you go through this, you think you're invincible, nothing will ever hold you down. I always thought, "I'll stop whenever I want." I justified it at the time I was playing football, with the pain pills. I needed it to play football. Was I banged up with injuries? Absolutely. Is that the reason I eventually became addicted? No. That was all on me. That's why people who don't know my story will say, he's just another drug addict. But it started somewhere. It started brewing with all of those injuries. I knew I liked how I felt when I took those pills at Nebraska. But I didn't have the means then or the money.
Jason Peter was an All-America defensive tackle at Nebraska.
JP: Oh, yeah. You get to a point where the highs aren't what they were when you started. With the pills and the opiates and the heroin, you develop a tolerance. It takes more and more to get to that high. The biggest battle I had was like, how do I get my hands on pain pills today? I was scamming all these doctors and pharmacies. It became work. And that part began outweighing the part where I took pills and didn't worry about anything. My football career was over. And, you know, football to me was everything. I got started late in my junior year in high school, but that was my passion. Through all of these rehab centers, they wanted to know what my passion was. But I couldn't go back and get that (football). I mean, this wasn't me walking out on my terms, like Grant (Wistrom), saying I've played nine years - that's enough. This was me sitting in a room with George Seifert and Marty Hurney, the GM at Carolina, and the head trainer, and they're saying, "We can't clear you to play football again. You'll never do what you want to do ever again."
Q: Should the NFL have a program to help guys adjust to life after football?
JP: The NFL has something. But here's the thing. I'm 25 years old and some guy is going to come up to me and say, "Jason, we have to meet for an hour about life after football." I'm like, "Who are you kidding? I'm going to play for 12 years, I'm going to go into the Hall of Fame." I wasn't thinking about life after football. I was trying to survive being in it. It was tough for me coming from Nebraska, where I had a couple of back spasms and hurt my hand, and going to Carolina, where I had two major surgeries each year. I didn't know how to deal with that. Combine that with the fact that I liked taking the pills, at least recreationally. I had to be up at a certain time in the morning to go to practice. So I had structure in my life. When that's over, and you have nothing to do, that's when the trouble started.
Q: Why write a book? Is this about the money? Or is there a story here you wanted to tell?
JP: I had a story to tell. Maybe it's not a self-help book. But that doesn't mean someone still can't benefit from this thing, that a 17- or 20-year-old kid doesn't read it and say, "Man, this is the way I'm going now." Am I shocked that I came out on the other end? Yes. So I think it's got something to offer if somebody is headed down that path.
But I also was like, "Do I want to do this?" I come from good family and, for the most part, we keep things in house. This was like airing dirty laundry. That's what I was nervous about. But I also realized that I put a major dent in my wallet in terms of the money that I spent, on the hookers, on the drugs, spending nights at strip clubs until they shut it down. It took its toll. I would be lying to you if I said there wasn't financial consideration here as well.
Q: Is this appropriate reading for high school kids?
JP: Absolutely. I spoke at a high school in Omaha. And one of the reasons they brought me up was because they have kids who are messing around with this type of stuff, smoking weed, messing around with cocaine, pain pills. This is what these kids are doing nowadays. This should probably start with the parent, and if it's something they feel their son or daughter can learn from it, go ahead.
Q: How do you think Coach Osborne < will feel about this?
JP: I think he'll be shocked. I don't think anybody really understood what was happening behind those closed doors at my house. It's an in-your-face type book. Coach Osborne is a guy who lives by his faith, but that doesn't mean he's not aware of what's going on out there. I told him, "If you ever need me to come talk to the kids down there, I'll be an open book." Does it matter to me what Coach Osborne thinks about this? Absolutely. He means the world to me. But the people that will be the hardest for me to read this book are my wife, my mother and my sister.
Q: Has your mother read it?
JP: Yes she has, and she thinks it's a great book. My aunt, who's in the book, also thought it was amazing. They went through this with me, so they know. I think they had an idea of what was going on, but to have it in a book, out there, where there's no turning back, that's a little different.
I knew I had to be honest if this thing was going to be a quality book. That started, really, the last time I went into the rehab. You have to be honest. If you are trying to fool people there, you aren't going to make it. It's funny, because when I was doing the book, I was saying, "I don't know if I should put this in," and it was my wife who said, "You have to put this in. You have to be honest and put this stuff in there." I said, "All right, but don't divorce me when it comes out."
Q: What will the average Husker fan think after reading the book?
JP: Some might be disappointed. Some might have this image, maybe, in their mind that they don't want distorted. This guy who is on the (Nebraska football) All-Century team, three national championship teams. I can't control what other people think. I hope they read it and can just understand that I was just trying to tell a story that I went through, that I wasn't trying to make myself a hero or anything.
Q: Is there a lesson here in that people shouldn't put their heroes on pedestals?
JP: I don't know. I do admit that that was a big part of my life here. And that was a big part of my struggle after football was over. I was used to hearing those cheers. There was nobody yelling your name, telling you how good you were. But in terms of the book, am I asking for some type of hero worship because I came out of this thing? No.
There will be people that think I'm wrong for putting this stuff out there. But there will be other people who have an uncle who was a drunk or a brother who is a drug addict or a mother who pops pills all day. Most people know someone or are related to someone who has gone through some sort of addiction. This is the truth. This is what happens. This is what happened to me.
Q: Maybe this isn't a fair question, but if you could do anything different, what would it be?
JP: In terms of my football career, I ask myself, every single day, probably 10 times a day, what if I didn't abuse my body with all of this garbage? Most of it came post-career, but I'm sure there was some damage when I was playing. Did that affect how my body could heal? I wonder even though this is medicine doctors give you when you walk out of the hospital, they don't give you enough to abuse it. I ask myself every day: Did I do so much that my body wasn't functioning as it should? Did that affect how my body could heal? That's something I have to live with.
In terms of the addiction, if I had had a serious relationship, or had been married, that might have straightened me out. I'm so happy that I didn't. I'm so happy that I went through this. Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be married to the wife that I have now. There's a reason for everything. One way or another, I found myself out in California and met the girl of my dreams. That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone through this.
Q: How much damage did you do to your body or your brain with all the coke and heroin?
JP: I don't know. I don't know that I'll know that for a long time. I've been checked, my liver, kidneys, all that stuff, and I seem to be just fine. But you never know what that might have started. Who knows? We'll see. Do I have lapses sometimes where I kind of just forget things or lose my train of thought? Yes. But I think that's a combination of football on top of the drugs.
Q: How much money did you throw away?
JP: I'm not a guy who gets on a computer every day and checks. It's at least, through all the hookers and all the drugs, at least half a million dollars. It could be close to a million. I wasn't completely broke when this was over, but it was to the point where my financial adviser was telling me, "You can't live the lifestyle you think you can live." It went from one of those things if you manage things and don't do anything crazy, you don't really have to work, to now, you have to work.
It was a lot of trips to the ATM machine at 4 in the morning. That's a reason why a lot of people stop, because the money's gone. I wasn't one of these drug addicts roaming the street, trying to get a $10 fix. I was having people drop it off at my house. And I'm paying for $500 or $1,000 worth of cocaine or heroin at one time. Cash. For some of the girls, I could use my credit card.
Peter says in the book that there was no shining moment where he knew he had to stop; one day you just know and hopefully you are still alive to realize it. But during his last stint in rehab, his mother was taken to a hospital with a heart scare. It turned out to be stress related, but the incident deeply affected Peter, who felt more than a little guilty.
JP: Drug addicts are so caught up in their own world, they don't pay attention to what it's doing to the people around them. The addict is high all the time, so he feels good. But the mother is waiting by the phone every night. When there was the scare with her, in large part did I feel like I needed to end it with me, that it was my time? Yeah. That could have been more than 50 percent of why I stopped, because I couldn't put my mother through this anymore. I couldn't care less what happened to me.
What brought Peter back to Lincoln? He said it started, ironically, with an interview he did for HBO with the infamous Bernard Goldberg, the TV reporter who drew the ire of Osborne and NU fans during the Lawrence Phillips days of 1995 for his "win at all costs" profile of Osborne.
JP: I did the "HBO Real Sports." And Bernard Goldberg interviewed me. When I found out, I didn't really put it together. Finally, I said, this is the guy who did the CBS piece on Coach Osborne and Nebraska. I almost backed out. People said, "No, you gotta do it, because hopefully somebody else will see it and this could help somebody." He came and he did it. We didn't talk between the takes, he did the show, packed up his bag and left. That was it. A year later, they called and asked how I was doing. We want to come out and do a follow piece. He comes back out this time a completely different guy, just a really nice guy, good guy. The whole Nebraska thing was just doing his job. Sometimes you don't get to pick and choose what you get to do. We shot at one place, a lot of joking around. He stayed after at my house after all the cameras were gone, sat around and talked for a couple hours. Did I blame him for the first time, being all business? No. Because at that time I was just another drug addict, probably going to be back on the street the next week. We actually have a friendship to this day. One time he said, "You handle yourself well in front of the camera. Have you ever thought about doing something like this?"
Sometime after that, I did the Jim Rome show. I went in studio to do that. We were supposed to do one segment. We ended up staying an hour and 15 minutes. He said it was the longest segment he'd done. When we were done, he said the same thing: "Have you ever thought about it?" At that point, I said, "Let's try it." I called Coach Osborne and asked him if he knew anybody. He gave me a couple of numbers.
Former
Husker Jason Peter now works for Lincoln's 1480 AM ESPN. Peter
auditioned for the station last summer and got the job, a 3-to-6 p.m.
daily show.
JP: I love it. Getting the opportunity to do this and work with Channel 7 in Omaha, some pregame and postgame stuff for them. I won a Nebraska broadcasting award, if you can believe that.
Would I like to do football on TV? Absolutely. Do I always want to have my 3-to-6 gig on the radio talking Nebraska football? Absolutely.
Q: What's your take on what's happened with Nebraska football and Bo Pelini?
JP: Obviously, I was really glad to see Coach Osborne get back into it. I didn't know Bo, other than he was here in 2003. The biggest thing for me is that Bo is teaching them the fundamentals and getting them to play with passion and having that energy no matter what it says on the scoreboard. He's also made us ex-guys feel proud again to be part of it.
It was embarrassing. I said all along, these kids keep getting patted on the back and saying everything is going to be OK. Maybe it's just the way I was treated with Coach (Charlie) McBride, but they didn't need a pat on the back, they needed a kick in the (butt) and somebody in their face saying, "That's not good enough. And if you continue to play like this, you won't be playing anymore." There were no consequences for what they were doing.
I go down to the stadium often to see familiar faces and have gotten to spend some time with Bo. I like him because he's just a normal guy. His interviews, and the way he says things, it's almost like what I do on the radio. It's honest and heartfelt. I don't think he's concerned about making this person happy or that person happy. "I'm here to win football games and make sure Nebraska is proud of its program again."
Just coming out of spring ball, are they going to win the national championship next year? No. I get people mad when they call into my show and I say they aren't going to go 13-0. Are they going to be better record-wise? Hopefully. Maybe. I don't know. Are they going to play more passionately? Yes. And that's all that matters to me right now, because the scores will turn if you continue to play with that passion, that love for the game. Eventually you will score more points than the other team.
Q: How are you doing? Do you still have to check in with somebody?
JP: I get together with certain people. When I was in California, I had a life coach, a therapist. Now I meet with somebody every month, every two months, just to BS, talk. It's there if I need it. It's good. I'll have a drink every once in awhile. Alcohol was never my thing. It was just something that sat on the side and turned to water half the time because I never touched it. Grant (Wistrom) will come into town, and I'll have a drink with him. I'll have a glass of wine with my wife. There are groups out there who don't think that's OK, and I don't care. I found out what works for me. For me, it's not about counting days and telling people how long I've been off it. It's about being able to call my mother and not have it in my head: "I have to talk slower or she'll know I'm high." It's about not being afraid that someone's going to stop by my house today and I've been up since 4, wired. It's nice knowing that my mother can go to sleep tonight not worrying that "Tonight's the night I'm going to get that call."
Q: How long has it been since you last took drugs?
JP: It will be four years in July. I've had surgeries a couple times since then, and that was obviously a huge, huge test. It's not like I took the bottle of Vicodin from the doctor when I drove myself out of there. I had to take some, so it was like feeding the devil again. But again, it was about honesty. When I was prepping for the surgery, I told the doctor I used to be a drug addict.
Q: Who should play you in the movie?
JP: My wife does that all the time. She's always picking people out. It's hard because you have to find someone who can be big enough to portray this football player but also be a skeleton of himself. She likes that Jake Gyllenhaal. Everybody likes to have fun with that. I don't pay attention to it. I get nervous enough about the book coming out. How will people perceive it? What's important to me is that my wife is OK with it and my family is OK with it. And I can't control what everyone else thinks, but I'm a caring guy. I love the guys that I played with. I care what they think. I don't know, some mother whose son looks up to me might not like it. I can't do anything about that.
Q: One final question: One of these days you'll have to tell me what actually happened on that private jet.
(No answer. Just a smile.)
Book Excerpt: Part 1: Hero of the Underground
Jason, i want to thank you for writing this book. I TOTALLY agree with you when you say this may save someones life. As a long time Nebraska and Jason Peter fan, I saw the piece you did on HBO "Real Sports" when it aired. I hoped at that time you would be able to get past the things that led to the addiction in the first place and secondly you would find there are so many things that are worth living and fighting for. I absolutely cannot wait for the book to come out and also i cannot wait to see you at the book signing at Barnes and Noble in Omaha ! See you there ! Take care and God Bless Teresa
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WOW! We don't own a copy of the book - yet, but I can't wait to get my hands on a copy. My grown son worshipped #55. Still does. Jason, you've been through some of life's toughest lessons. Your story can make a difference. We'll be reading and cheering you on and sending positive energy your way.
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Jason, if you listen closely, you can still hear Husker fans cheering for you. There are so many Husker greats that stand out in my mind, but Double Nickel, and both guys who wore it during those Championship years is something stands a notch above for me. You need to have some swagger, some fire, some bad-boy in you to play D and you and Christian embodied that. I think that Grant had some of that fire and so did some others, but you guys brought it roaring to life. I'll never forget some of the helmet slaps and roars of passion ofter yet another tackle for loss....the guys of the front 4 holding hands like a family out there, putting their backs up against each other to take on all comers. I still get jacked up thinking about it and hope that it returns again to our beloved Blackshirts.
Thank you for putting your body through all of that for us fans. We cannot imagine what you guys all went through to give us fans something to cheer about. It would be nice to be able to tell each and every one of you in person and pat ya on the shoulder or whatever. You guys set a standard. I don't know if it will ever be met again because guys that are Peterbilt and of that generation of Blackshirts do not grow on trees.
Jason, you may very well be the best representative of what Husker Football and Husker Nation is about. I know that us Husker fans are all so damn glad that you came out of this and are are part of Husker fans' lives again. We live through you guys more than you can imagine.
Once a Husker, always a Husker and you embodied it.
Jason, as I said at the top...just take a minute and listen every once in awhile. When you're watching a Husker game and you hear the cheers of DEEEEFENSE, that is for the current Blackshirts and for every single member of the defense past and present.
We're still cheering your name and it will never, ever stop.
Look in the mirror every day and realize what you are to your family, friends and Husker Nation. Realize that what you've been through makes us all the more prouder to call you a Husker. Realize that we've got your back like you had your team mates' and coaches.
Thank you once more for what you have done for Husker football in the past and in the present and I wish you nothing but happiness and success.
Go Big Effing Red and Go Double Nickel!
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I like whatyou are doing, I like the straight forward approach and direct way you answered the questions. You can talk to my children any time, they need to know about drugs as all children. Thankyou for sharing your private life with others.
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Jason- Awesome book! I went to Barnes & Noble over my lunch hour yesterday and picked up my copy. It took a ton of guts to write this book with such honesty. All the best to you and Sarah. Look forward to your show and blog this upcoming season!
Mitch
Saint Paul, MN
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Hey Jason....shitty book...worse yet the comments about Lou Holtz...your brother got a full ride even though he couldn't play and you want to spiton Lou....Shame on you!!!! Your words mean about as much as Pam Anderson(now a hero for PETA) calling Jessica Simpson a whore because she eats meat...Nothing like a (I hope) ex-drug addict with a sex offending brother making comments about someone like Lou Holtz....get over it pal and move on...spit on him someday....I'll find you and spit on you!!
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Wow Byron....you a Lou Holtz homer or what? You can stand up for him all you want but that doesn't change the fact that he didn't have the human decency to make a simple phone call to an 18-yr old kid who was going thru the worst experience of his life (full ride scholarship or not). What a chump. Jason has come clean with his mistakes which is an honorable thing. Let's see if Lou has the same kind of honor. I for one will not be holding my breath.
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What I find disturbing about the Holtz comments is that Jason seems intent on saying he is a different man than the DRUG ADDICT self that he portrays in the book and yet he cannot find the compassion in his newly found heart to forgive Holtz or think that Holtz has himself 'changed' since this stuff Jason describes? I can only hope he was a good brother during his drug induced haze. Hard to belief, but it's possible I suppose.
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As an addict with eighteen years clean, I am always reading about others on this journey. Ordered your book for our library so students always have info available. Glad you made it, whatever works for you is my take on recovery. We're all different and we're all responsible for ourselves.
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Jason, you are everything that is wrong with sports today. A gifted athelete who expected everything to be handed to him even when you were letting your team and organization down. Tom Osborne and the Nebraska football factory once again has failed another person. No consequences for your actions while at NU did not go far to prepare you for life after college or after football. You are a scumbag. Tom Osborne sold his sole to win a champioship with players like you. Its no wonder that eveybody outside of Nebraska is enjoying the fact that Nebraksa football has fallen of the college football map. Its poetic justice!
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bob - you are a jackass
JP - great book and good luck. GO HUSKERS
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You obviously do not know a thing about what these kids go through every single day, just to get a chance to play football. And until you walk in someone else's shoes you really have should not be quite so quick to judge. You have my pity for being so narrow-minded.
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Bob (or is it Mr. Perfect),
Please - instead of telling someone that they are "everything that is wrong with sports today", how about looking in the mirror and stepping up to some of your own mistakes. Have you ever donated your body to a sport? Have you dedicated years of your life to something you were passionate about while being under the microscope of thousands of people who watched your every move? Could you walk a mile in these shoes? Who are you to throw stones brother? The man with all the answers - please. Tom Osborne and the Nebraska football factory has failed no one. Tom opens doors and provides people with opportunities. It's the person walking through those doors that needs to accept the responsibilities that come with the opportunities. It's my understanding that the only thing that is ever promised is an opportunity to perform in front of thousands of passionate fans and to get an education while doing so. If you had that offered to you, and the talent to back it up wouldn't you jump at it? Or would you hide in your little world because you were afraid of failure and people pointing their fingers at you saying, "you are everything that is wrong with sports today". And as far as poetic justice, that would be instead of you throwing rocks, you tossed a boomerang or ten - and they came back and knocked some sense into you.
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Jason, Great book .... very honest and from your heart! Stay clean and best of luck to you!
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Jason,
Wow-what a book!!! I'm very proud of you for writing such a brutally honest account of all you went through!!
I'm sorry you had to go through such hell, but as they say, "Everything happens for a reason." I want you to know that you are my favorite Husker player, I even had to get a #55 Husker jersey back when you were playing!! I wish I could go to your book signing on
Saturday, but I have to work & live 2
hrs away. Good luck to you & Sarah &
God Bless You!! (Both Byron & Bob don't
know what the hell they are talking about!!)
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Jason,
I loved the book you wrote. I couldn't put it down. And just so you know, when Lou Holtz makes his dumb-ass remarks on ESPN again this fall, there will be other families that now know (and always thought) what a piece of snake shit he really is!! Best wishes to you and your family.
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You know what the biggest joke of this is? That this scumbag puts the word 'Hero' in the title of his book, obviously referencing himself. Im happy to say that Ive never been a drug addict or woman beater...does that make me a superhero? Youve set the bar low Jason, obviously you didnt get a good education while you went through the meatgrinder. You couldnt take advantage of all the gifts God and football gave you. Instead you threw them all away, became a scumbag druggie and now feel its necessary to condemn others for their missteps. If there is a more pathetic excuse for a human being then Ive never seen it.
Youre a coward. You took the easy way out your whole life. Instead of taking advantage of a free education at a fine academic institution, you piss it all away and have nothing to show for it. Instead of being an upstanding citizen you beat people weaker than you (I know someone who played with you in prepschool). Instead of trying to be a productive member of society you became a leach by becoming a drug addict...heroin and coke mind you. Instead of talking to Lou Holtz (who may have done something wrong here, but youre in no position to throw stones from your glass house), you take the coward's way out and condemn him in public.
Youre a sorry excuse for a man. Youre a spoiled child. Have always been. You dont know what hard work is because youve never worked a hard day in your life. You dont know what forgiveness is because you cant confront or forgive your own demons.
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Such harsh words. I always tell people to pick up the shit in your own back yard before you come barking in mine. By your comments above you must be perfect? Is that the case? Because a man takes a detour in life down the wrong path and has the courage to turn around that makes him a scumbag coward. I think that maybe you Jay have deep seeded issues that you should look at. I cannot imagine that it was easy for Jason to put his life out there for the world to see, but I for one am glad that he did. As far as seeing a more pathetic excuse for a human being...try looking in the mirror!Your statement probably does not even warrent the time for a reply but I could not help myself.
Born and Bred Cornhusker
GO BIG RED!!
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I never said I was perfect nor do I pretend to be. What I find ironic is that you read me the riot act over my comments on Jason Peter and yet you wont condemn him for his comments towards Lou Holtz? You find it justified that a drug addict woman beater will go out of his way to question the character of Lou Holtz? Give me a break. You can make all the excuses you want for this dude but it doesnt justify the self-righteous indignant way he has conducted himself as of late.
No man who has done the cowardice things he has done has the right to call out another human being (Holtz). Especially in the coward manner he Jason Peter did.
I also find it funny that you can take my words and make a snap judgment of my character and yet know nothing about my life or actions. But you are willing to call a drug addict and woman beater a courageous man because he put his life out there? I find Jason Peter's actions to be of the lowest form. A man who beats people weaker than himself doesnt deserve my respect.
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I have to say that Jason peter should be an insperation to all people that are having prtoblems whether drugs or personnel. With hard work as he has shown all can be made better. The book is great and i will pass it around for everyone to read and realize that life is not roses at the top.
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Why do all these morons keep getting Jason and Christian confused? Here's a clue: read the book, then judge. I am NOT a Nebraska fan (never rooted for them a day in my life), but if you read the book, you will, I think, see that there is a lot of raw honesty there. I appreciate someone who has gone through drug addiction having the balls to tell the story.
And about Lou Holtz, I've always liked him. But wow, if it's true that Lou didn't pick up the phone to see how his star recruit is doing after suffering a devastating injury, then shame on him. Sure, maybe Jason's rage is a little much, but he's honest about it. He's honest about just about everything else in the book, he might as well be honest about how he feels about Lou. And I'll tell you, with college football already being accused (often) of using and abusing kids for their program, it's a realy black eye to think that a coach didn't care enough to care about someone who was a star recruit.
And I'm not sure coward is the word I would use for Jason. I think he'll tell Lou how he feels to his face the day he has that opportunity. I just hope he doesn't hit him!
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I went to high school with you and your brothers. I read your book in a few short hours last weekend. I have a friend who is a heroin addict who is in and out of recovery/rehab. Once a successful lawyer his addiction started with pain killers as well. People often think of addicts as people from the "wrong side of town", you and i know that is not the case. I thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I hope that it will help many many people know that there is hope for them of someone that they love. I wish you and your family nothing but happiness and continued success.
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